I’ve been trying for quite a while now to write a letter to Ellie … to tell her how I feel about being her mum, how she inspires me and my hopes for the future. She has the usual photo albums to look back on, but I want to give her more than that – I want to give her a real insight into our life together and into what she’s brought into my life.
As we move in 2013 I’ve finally finished my letter and although at just four Ellie’s a little too young to read it yet, by the time she’s old enough I hope to have a collection of things for her – the book I wrote which was inspired by her (the things they never tell you about becoming mum), my blog posts about life as her mum and some letters like this.
And so, I’m pleased to share with you my first letter to Ellie, finished as we wave goodbye to 2012.
To my Ellie,
You are my beautiful daughter and I love you so much. I love the way you smile, the way you giggle and the way you hug me tight. I love how you smell and how you ask so many questions. I love you unconditionally.
You are my greatest challenge and my biggest learning curve. I’m constantly learning how to be your mummy and it’s tough sometimes, but you’re doing a great job of teaching me!
I can’t pretend that you don’t add to my stress levels sometimes with your occasional tantrums and horns which appear when you’re tired, but you have a knack of reducing them too. Only the other night I was flopped on your bed when you walked in and upon seeing me, simply froze. I could feel you staring at me intently and, I assume, deciding the best course of action to take. Eventually you spoke and the conversation went as follows:
‘What are you doing mummy?’
‘I’m just so tired Ellie’
You held your arms wide open and simply said ‘come here’. We had a long, delightful hug and in an instant you made me feel so happy. I’ll never know how you knew that was just what I needed, but you did. You inspire me.
My single greatest wish for the future is that I can be the sort of mummy to help you grow and fulfil your dreams. That I can give you the support and patience you need and that you will look back at your childhood with happiness.
I hope that you don’t think I’ve made bad choices and I hope that you remember giggling with me, more than grumping at me or me at you!
So as we look towards 2013, the year that you’ll turn 5, I write this letter for you – to make you smile, and to remind you that I will always love you.