Monthly Archives: June 2014

Wedding negotiation

A couple of months ago Richard and I decided we were going to get married. We agreed it would be a small affair and that would enable us to make it: romantic, easy to organise, not costly and well…soon. The latter being simply because there didn’t seem any point in having a long engagement and not, as everyone seemed to assume, because I was pregnant. I’m not pregnant.

rings crop

I then gradually discovered that even a small low key wedding involves an element of negotiation and thinking. Who knew! From finding the local registry office not being able to even see us for over 6 weeks, through to the fact that if you mention wedding anywhere the price of the item you’re looking at is doubled. The funniest bits though, as always, have involved the children.

When I asked Ellie if she’d like to be a bridesmaid. The conversation went like this:

‘Would you like to be a bridesmaid Ellie?’
‘No.’

awkward pause
‘Oh… there won’t be many people there if that’s what’s worrying you, but you don’t have to if you don’t want. You can just wear a pretty dress.’
Pause
‘I have a dress at daddy’s that I can wear.’
At this point my spidey senses were tickling…
‘What dress Ellie? When did you wear it before?’
‘It’s really pretty…I wore it for Daddy’s wedding.’

I am so utterly proud of myself that I didn’t blurt out – er no darling, you won’t be wearing that. Period. Instead I calmly said ‘oh no – we can get you a lovely new one.’ It’s highly unlikely the dress she’s referring to would fit her now anyway – but that wasn’t a risk I was going to take.

Several days and lots of ‘you can choose what you want’ comments later, Ellie finally got with the programme and started talking about getting her new dress. She’s also now decided she is going to be an official bridesmaid.

My step son has been equally entertaining. When asked what he wanted to wear for the wedding he paused and then very clearly, with a huge grin and look of steely determination on his face, stated: A suit, a bow tie and a sombrero.

I genuinely don’t yet know if he was serious but I really don’t mind what he wears (except no blue jeans), if that’s what he wants that’s what he can have. I was slightly more concerned though when my other half announced he would match the outfit and wear the same. I guess time will tell…

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Wading in on feminism

I almost blogged about feminism after attending Blogfest and britmumslive last year, but never quite had the er…balls…to do it. (Pun intended). This year though, the fire was once again lit for me at britmums live.

Let me start by saying that I’m not a ‘must join the debate’, ‘burn your bra’ or ‘lets be controversial’ kinda girl. What I do believe is that life is short, the world is better when we are kind to each other (male and female) and when we stick together we achieve more. I also think that feminism in the truest sense of ‘advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of the equality’ has to start with women doing it for themselves.

My personal brand of feminism can therefore be described as a let’s work together, let’s be kind to each other and let’s respect the fact that different people see things differently kind of feminism.

This weekend then it was my absolute pleasure to attend #britmumslive and the weekend was full of highlights. The key note speeches from Emma Freud and Benjamin Brooks-Dutton were both inspiring in their own way. The social media for advanced bloggers session by Paul Armstrong from Digital Orange was brilliant – causing me to write more notes than you can possibly imagine! I also met some amazing bloggers who were friendly and fun – some old friends and some new. There are some really inspirational women in our blogging community and I enjoyed grinning inanely at a couple of my blogging hero’s at the weekend – not quite managing to actually say hello! (i’m aware that sounds slightly pathetic.)

britmjus 2014

Along with the many positive memories I have from the weekend though I couldn’t help but come away with a tinge of frustration because despite all the talk at britmums live (right from the opening panel session) about feminism and sticking together it just doesn’t always seem to work like that in practice. Let me give you an example.

At one point this weekend I sat down on my own in a session and enthusiastically introduced myself to three bloggers already sat there – I handed over my cards (which had become my ‘go to’ tool for breaking the ice) and asked for their cards. One of the bloggers handed a card over whilst the others simply took my card and turned away.

I’m a fairly confident person but walking into a group of bloggers who already know each other and joining in is, for me, a tough ask. When I build up the courage to do it and the group don’t seem to want to speak to me it hurts. It doesn’t feel like feminism in action.

Most bloggers aren’t like this at all, but the irony of the experience at an event where feminism was being openly discussed and celebrated wasn’t lost on me.

So I don’t know if this post adds anything to the debate, but what I’m hoping is that it states the flipping obvious – we’d be far better off to stop talking about feminism and start behaving like we want to support and be there for each other.

A little dream…bathroom heaven

In line with the honesty part of my blog let me be clear from the start here – this post is being specifically written so I can enter a fantastic competition being run by Mumsnet Bloggers Network and Victoria Plumb.

I don’t do this kind of post normally but literally as I type water is coming through my kitchen ceiling – the result of crappy bathroom pipework and an old bathroom. Somehow thinking about my dream bathroom seemed apt (as opposed to depressing). Let’s start by showing you our bathroom as it is literally today:

bathroom

I did debate saying that the water coming through the ceiling was the funny aspect of this post but alas, I ain’t finding it funny yet. I will of course do my best to find the humour in due course.

Suffice to say I’d be really grateful if you would forgive this little indulgence of a competition focused post and allow me to dream a little.

As per the competition rules I started by completing the Victoria Plumb Great British Home Quiz and based on my choices it told me that my preferred style was:

Mrs Elegant – Your style is most like Lady Mary or Lord Gillingham from Downton Abbey.

Now I’ve got to put my hands up and say I haven’t ever seen Downton Abbey (I hide my face in shame!) but I get the point and quite frankly this is uber flattering. Actually I don’t rate my sense of style at all but alas from little things are borne monsters so with my new found style confidence, this is how I would describe my dream bathroom…

It is a mix of a luxury hotel and a handmade Kirsty Allsop bathroom. It has a sparkling clean white bathroom suite. It is in fact one that never needs cleaning, but always stays sparkling.

There is roll top bath with the taps in the middle so that there’s plenty of room for two.

The bathroom floor is cleanly tiled (with under floor heating) and the shower is a walk in wet room in the corner.

Colour wise I’d love to go for white and dashes of pink but my other half would move out, so instead I’m going for white and dashes of egg shell blue.

So there you have it – my dream bathroom and my entry to the competition. Thank you for your indulgence and I promise normal service will resume with my next post.