At 36 weeks pregnant everything is just about as set as it can be for our baby boy and my previously shared checklist is pretty much done – the room is ready, we’ve stocked up on the nappies etc, Christmas presents are wrapped, Christmas cards are written, birth plan done and hospital bag packed. I’m feeling quite organised, which as anyone who’s read much of blog will know, is how I like to feel.
So when a close friend gave birth to her gorgeous baby Son last weekend and I found myself looking at this tiny baby in my arms I was a little taken aback when I realised that there’s one thing I’m not sure is ready….me!
As I held him my brain went into overdrive and followed a pattern of thought something like this;
Oh my gosh – I’m having a baby
I wasn’t great with the baby bit last time
Eeek – I’m having a baby
I can’t remember anything about the baby bit – it was almost 8 years ago
Shit I’m having a baby!!!!!!
Now I can obviously tell myself all the usual things – I have done it before, Ellie survived and flourished with me as her Mum so I did something right and I’m definitely a more relaxed and happy version of myself than I was before. All these things are true but of course when it comes to my brain, logic isn’t necessarily the thing that leads.
So the other night when I was awake (again) at 3am my brain did was it so often does and started producing it’s own little checklist for me – things I want and don’t want to do this time around. Here are some of the key ones….
This time around I will accept help from others (in fact I already have accepted help this time from friends who have done the school run for me to given me a chance to rest, helped me clean some of the baby stuff ready and so on.)
I won’t expect myself to simply know what’s wrong when he cries – I will just work my way through the standard list of possibilities and know that at some point he’ll stop.
I won’t worry about how I look for the first few weeks – I will just be pleased pleased we got there on time to start with.
I won’t give myself a hard time about feeding my baby – I will do what works and what feels right…whatever that is.
So now I’ve written it down I guess I’ll have to see whether I manage all, some, or any of these once our Son arrives (of course I’ll let you know!) but if nothing else just by putting my thoughts out there hopefully my brain will switch off a bit now.
I wonder how many of these things other parents have thought when they’ve had subsequent children? So come on – what things did you want to do differently second time around? Please comment and share.