Tag Archives: divorce

Building our family – two and a half years on

I’m the sort of person that is forever writing things down – sometimes they become posts and sometimes they just get forgotten. What I really like though is when I re-discover them and they get me thinking! Take this for example, which I re-discovered yesterday:

“In many ways I’m starting again. I know myself better now than ever before and of course I’ve got my amazing little girl, but there is no getting away from the fact that at 36 years old I am beginning again – settling down with Richard and his son in our new home, as a new family.

I try not to think too much about my decisions in the past and especially not to look back and regret. Although some people say regrets mean you’ve lived – I think regrets feel a bit like I wish I hadn’t done something. I don’t regret being married. I don’t regret having my daughter. I don’t regret calling off an engagement. I’m sad that all those things didn’t turn out how I hoped – but right now I feel overwhelmingly hopeful for the future.

I’m hopeful for our family, hopeful for our happiness and hopeful that Richard and I will grow old together. I love the balance that we bring to each other and I already love the home and family we are building together.”

Unbelievably it has been two and half years since I wrote that and since we moved in together. As you’d expect, reading that again sparked the obvious question – how do I feel now? Well time has truly flown – we got used to each other, got married and firmly settled as a family of four. It’s definitely too early to comment on the ‘growing old together’ bit! That said there is no doubt that we are incredibly happy as a family.

The truth though for anyone out there considering doing something similar is that it hasn’t always been easy – we were (and are) both very independent people, the children were (and are) both very different children and these differences made (and make!) life a real challenge.

I recall a moment in the first few weeks after we’d moved in together when I literally told Richard we had made a mistake and I meant it.

Yet here we are two and a half years later. Of course we still don’t agree on everything (who does?) but with a little patience, a lot of respect for each other and a bucket load of love we’ve come this far.

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It’s a mummy hibernation

It’s fair to say that this post is well and truly overdue. I try to post at least every other week and I have just lately – well – dismally failed! The obvious excuse is to say that life has got in the way. But I think that would be a bit of a cop out, after all life is always busy. It doesn’t normally stop me.

So I’ve been trying to work it out. Is it because nothing worthy of writing a post has happened? Nope there’s been plenty that I could post about: birthday party planning, crisis about the parties Ellie’s missing because her Dad and I are separated, parents evening and so on!

Have I got writers block? Nope, I haven’t even tried to sit and write.

Ive also realised that it isn’t just blogging that I haven’t done, lots of things seem to be behind or not done at all – regular time on my forever living business, organising weekends and events, cooking different meals and so on.

So finally, after much contemplation I’ve decided what it is…it’s me…..I’m having what I will herein term a mummy hibernation.

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It goes like this:

1. Doing what’s required (but not really any more)
2. Taking every opportunity to put my pjs on and collapse on the sofa or bed
3. Eating far too much chocolate (and oranges)

Now historically I would have given myself a hard time about not getting on with things and achieving what needs to be achieved but here’s the thing…….my mini hibernation has allowed me to do some very important things:

  • Spend time relaxing with my family
  • Notice the fact that spring is starting and enjoy that feeling of anticipation
  • Snuggle with Ellie … a lot

  • These are great things and it isn’t like I’m not functioning – I’m still delivering at work, feeding the family, cleaning the house (sometimes) and so on. I’m just working a little below my normal 100% and I think that’s ok. I’m going to give myself a break and the thing is, hibernation is temporary, so I know I’ll be back.

    In the meantime – forgive me for my gap in posting, but I promise I will post again soon.

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    A fond farewell…to being a single parent

    I went out one evening the other week for a drink with colleagues after work, a non-alcoholic one since I was driving, but nonetheless a sociable drink…in the week…on a school night…when I had Ellie.

    Now I realise this doesn’t sound like a big deal, but this is the first time I have been out like this with colleagues from my office since I went back to work over two and a half years ago. As I sat in the bar laughing and talking, I couldn’t help but feel a little giddy. I did, without doubt, check my phone on rather a lot of occasions in the time running up to the usual bedtime of 7pm and relay some of the sweet, reassuring messages from my boyfriend to others at the table (no eyes were rolled!), but I wasn’t worrying about getting back and I really did enjoy myself.


    This is a big deal because it was symbolic of the fact that following our recent move Ellie and I have joined my boyfriend and his son to live together as a family. I am officially no longer a single parent – eek and wow to that!


    There’s no doubt that there have been occasions where being a single parent was tough and there are lots of things I will not miss…paying the a baby sitter so I can go to the dentist is quite frankly depressing and knowing you’re out of petrol but can’t just pop to fill up until the morning…when it will make you late – is irritating.  

    Most memorable for me in recent months was when I attended the pre starting school parents evening – it was a rare occasion where I suddenly felt very lonely and really wished I had someone else there to share what I was worrying about. I ended up getting a little emotional and making a total prat of myself by crying as I left the school! I could try to explain but it would sound totally pathetic so I will save myself the blushes.


    What’s strange though is that when I think about it I have to be honest and say that there are things about being a single parent that I know I really am going to miss. For one thing there’s something quite empowering about not having to explain or agree in any way your parenting choices to anyone else, and just being able to do it your own way without discussion or negotiation. For another thing Ellie and I have developed our own routine and pattern to our lives – adjusting this is a big change (for me probably more than Ellie!). I can’t deny that I’ve become just a little set in my ways!


    Bidding farewell to being a single mum isn’t going to be easy. In our newly joined family we’re already discovering things that we do differently … the so called ‘chocolate cereals’ that Ellie eats are met with some horror, the fact that Ellie shouts about doing a poo and never closes the bathroom door is clearly a little distressing for the other half of our new family, and our really quiet time before bed is more difficult to achieve …to name but a few examples.


    So there can be no doubt that as I look with excitement and anticipation to our future as a family, it is a fond farewell that I give to my time as a single mum.