Tag Archives: family

Building our family – two and a half years on

I’m the sort of person that is forever writing things down – sometimes they become posts and sometimes they just get forgotten. What I really like though is when I re-discover them and they get me thinking! Take this for example, which I re-discovered yesterday:

“In many ways I’m starting again. I know myself better now than ever before and of course I’ve got my amazing little girl, but there is no getting away from the fact that at 36 years old I am beginning again – settling down with Richard and his son in our new home, as a new family.

I try not to think too much about my decisions in the past and especially not to look back and regret. Although some people say regrets mean you’ve lived – I think regrets feel a bit like I wish I hadn’t done something. I don’t regret being married. I don’t regret having my daughter. I don’t regret calling off an engagement. I’m sad that all those things didn’t turn out how I hoped – but right now I feel overwhelmingly hopeful for the future.

I’m hopeful for our family, hopeful for our happiness and hopeful that Richard and I will grow old together. I love the balance that we bring to each other and I already love the home and family we are building together.”

Unbelievably it has been two and half years since I wrote that and since we moved in together. As you’d expect, reading that again sparked the obvious question – how do I feel now? Well time has truly flown – we got used to each other, got married and firmly settled as a family of four. It’s definitely too early to comment on the ‘growing old together’ bit! That said there is no doubt that we are incredibly happy as a family.

The truth though for anyone out there considering doing something similar is that it hasn’t always been easy – we were (and are) both very independent people, the children were (and are) both very different children and these differences made (and make!) life a real challenge.

I recall a moment in the first few weeks after we’d moved in together when I literally told Richard we had made a mistake and I meant it.

Yet here we are two and a half years later. Of course we still don’t agree on everything (who does?) but with a little patience, a lot of respect for each other and a bucket load of love we’ve come this far.

photo

There’s just not enough of it!

So I haven’t posted for a while,
and that makes me kind of sad.
But it’s the reason why I haven’t posted,
that truly makes me mad.

It’s nothing new or unusual,
so let me get that in first.
But hold on just one second,
that kind of makes it worse.

The problem of course is quite simple,
of time there is simply not enough.
No sooner does a day begin,
but it disappears in a puff.

It doesn’t even seem to matter,
what I’m spending that time on.
It flies away so quickly,
that the day has simply gone.

I’m not a greedy person,
but I really would like some more time.
And I wouldn’t fritter it away,
because I’ve a load of to do’s in line.

There’s not enough time for cooking and chores,
nor as you know for writing blogs.
But most of all there isn’t enough time,
for family fun, laughter and hugs.

It batters you with both hands,
because the problem with time is two-fold.
On the one hand you can’t get everything done,
on the other you watch yourself getting old.

The funny thing about it is,
That Ellie has noticed it too.
So now we both comment,
On how our weekend flew.

But as I end this poem,
I simply have to say.
That sometimes I sneak a win,
And Ellie and I steal a day…….

20140126-193308.jpg

Post Comment Love

A year on – joining two families together

Unbelievably, it’s now a year since Ellie and I moved in with my partner and his son. A year since we moved area and Ellie changed schools. A year since we took what was a huge leap.

I blogged about when we decided to join our two families together last October (you can see it here) and I blogged when we later bought our new family home and really started to settle (here).

So a year on, it’s fair to say that some things have gone more smoothly than I could ever have hoped and of course some things are still work in progress.

cropped-cropped-v22.jpg

Our new home is just that – our home. I’m slightly taken aback by how quickly it felt like home to me, I’ve moved a fair few times over the years and there was probably in all that time just one house I felt at home in, until now. Our progress on the decorating and sorting is at best steady – but life is busy and it isn’t urgent so it can wait. This relaxed attitude to the house has of course taken a year to achieve.

When it comes to Ellie, she has truly settled into the new school – she loves going, she’s doing really well and she’s made some lovely friends. When at parents evening her teacher said that it was a pleasure to meet the parent of a child like Ellie, I was speechless – something that really doesn’t happen to me very often. It would be an understatement to say that I feel both relieved and incredibly proud of my little girl.

It turns out though that it’s not just Ellie who’s made friends – I’ve made some great friends too. I’ve been blown away by how welcoming everyone has been – the other parents at school, our new neighbours – literally everyone. For this I feel incredibly lucky and it’s definitely helped me to settle.

The hardest part of our little adventure hasn’t of course been the practical aspects of moving but the emotional ones. For a start I’ve discovered that I am a) more stubborn than I realised and b) quite stuck in my ways living on my own with Ellie. Learning to live as a family of four takes a bit of getting used to. In this one thing it isn’t just me either – we’ve all had to adjust and learn where we fit in the new family and to be flexible about things we used to just take for granted. I mean the practical stuff like the how the toilet seat should be left (down and clean please), how bedtime routines work (7.00pm please), how mealtimes work (quietly and at the table please!) and so on. But I also mean our different personalities and emotions; we have different paces to life, as well as different views on families and parenting. There’s also, in my view, the fact that male brains are just wired differently to female ones, (it’s the jumping around craziness versus drawing a picture i’m talking about,) but i guess that’s for another post.

So there you have it, joining two families together really was as big a deal as I thought it would be and there’s no denying we’ve come a long way in the last year. I also know though that we will continue to grow and change over time as a family – I think every family does. The funny thing is that for once I’m not worried about how that might work…….I’m just excited.

Post Comment Love